Hiatus

I’ve decided to take a hiatus from the blogosphere.

Nothing is wrong or bad, I’ve just decided to step away from it for a little while.

Thanks for being a faithful reader and follower of my life. If you have any questions, contact me elsewhere.

big girl panties

Growth generally occurs gradually over time, but occasionally there are events in one’s life that accelerate the growing process. Events such as weddings, funerals, puberty, divorces, children, accidents, relationships – events that occur, planned or unplanned, that bring about maturation in one or more aspects of development.

Today, an event occurred in which I grew immensely.

Today, I became an adult.

You see, for years I’ve had a certain fear that has kept me from partaking in an activity that many adults do on a regular basis. I’ve been completely debilitated by this fear for many years… until today, of course. Today, on December 12, 2012, I ate alone in public.

And it kinda sorta changed my life.

The weather in Tallahassee today is quite depressing – cold, wet, and gray. So a friend of mine suggested I get soup for lunch. What an awesome idea, right? So I went through the options in my head and decided to go to Crispers. Now normally I would get something to go, drive back to work, and sit in my car and eat my food. Trust me, this sounds super lame, and it may actually be super lame, but my car is my safe place, so it’s not lame to me.

But today I wanted soup, and the last time I ate soup in my car I made a mess. And eating at my desk isn’t really an option. So the logical thing to do was to eat my soup at Crispers. So that’s what I did. And I realized that the fear I’d had for so long wasn’t really worth having at all. No one stared at me. No one pointed and laughed at me. And in fact, if I hadn’t been wearing my awesome black boots, I doubt anyone would’ve even noticed me.

I sat there, alone with my thoughts and my tomato soup, staring out the window watching the raindrops hit the pavement. And I was more at peace than I’ve been in weeks.

I have been to a movie by myself, gone shopping by myself, and eaten in public by myself. I think I’ve officially graduated to big girl panties!

I wonder what other fears I have that are holding me back for no good reason.

The Top 5 Reasons to Enjoy Holiday Singleness

I think Mariah Carey sums it up nicely, “All I want for Christmas is you.”

There seems to be some positive correlation between the number of Christmas lights per square foot and the number of marriage proposals that occur within the month of December. Something about the holiday season makes the romance radar go bonkers.

But I get it… It’s cold outside (or not if you live in Florida, but we can pretend) and snuggling up by a warm fire is just sooo romantic. Holding hands while gallivanting around town looking at Christmas lights…  Sharing a peppermint mocha latte as Christmas songs tickle your eardrums… It’s all so fabulous.

And single people tend to feel even more single than we’ve felt all year. Myself included.

So I wanted to compose a list of the top 5 reasons why being single during the holidays is actually a blessing.

1. You can sleep peacefully knowing that you won’t have to stress about finding that perfect gift for that special someone.
2. There won’t be an insufferable mother-in-law complaining about how the turtle cheesecake you slaved over isn’t quite cheese-cakey enough.
3. You won’t have to juggle your limited holiday time by visiting your partner’s family. Instead, you can spend more time with your friends and family or donate an afternoon to a local charity.
4. You can save tons of money since you won’t have to shop for his/her parents, siblings, and relatives you’ve never met. You can use that money to buy yourself something extra fabulous.
5. There’s no need to dress up in cute Rudolph PJ’s when you watch your favorite Christmas movies. Pull out those old sweats with the holes in them that you love so much. Your dog won’t care.

So when your nana mentions her burning desire for great-grandchildren paired nicely with a not-so-subtle wink, think about the above and know that no matter how many engagements appear in your facebook newsfeed this month, being single during the holidays has its advantages.

Mmmm Cider!

What are your favorite things about being single during the holidays?

Sunny Land – or is it?

There used to be a mental hospital in Tallahassee named Sunland Center (called Sunny Land by us awesome locals). I don’t know (or care to know) which stories about Sunny Land are true and which are false, so please read this next section with a lack of concern for historical accuracy.

Sunny Land, as I’ve been told, was a hospital designed to treat and care for mentally and physically disabled children. Due to a lack of funding, however, the facility quickly became overcrowded and was said to have unsanitary conditions and instances of patient neglect. The hospital was closed in the early 80’s, and until it was torn down in 2006, the vacant building was used by adventurous teens and adults as a playground of sorts.

You see, Sunny Land is said to have been haunted. Several people visited the abandoned premises looking for a thrill. Various “sightings” of haunted children were reported. Stories of spooky noises and strange “feelings” were told to kids year after year. I, myself, never visited Sunny Land because I tend to frighten easily. (Need proof? I cried on the mummy ride at Universal Studios – when I was in HIGH SCHOOL.)

But it’s interesting to me… something that was designed for such a beautiful purpose had such an ugly ending.

For a while, I’ve been in a sunny land of sorts. The beginning stages of a sunny land – before good moods are abandoned due to a lack of funding… or something like that. I’ve been truly happy with my life for the past few months: my friends, my family, my job, my church, my running, my goals, my mentors, etc… things have been really great.

But my sunny land is being condemned. The walls are rotting and its purpose has been forgotten. The building (aka my mind) has been recently plagued with issues from the past – issues that the owner thought had been dealt with long ago. Soon enough, happy Lindsey will be nothing more than a thing of the past.

*Cue emo music.*

Ok, so I’m being a tad melodramatic. But recently, some things have surfaced that I realize may not be as “in the past” as I’d like. With the help of some friends, I’m finally figuring out how to let go of these things for good (or so I hope), but it’s really freaking overwhelming.

Suppressing negative thoughts and memories is easy to do, but it has long lasting side effects. Putting old issues to rest, however, is daunting and exhausting and makes me grouchy. The difference, I’m hoping, is that once all this crap is dealt with, my positive self will be around for years to come.

Just like Sunland, we’ve all been created with a beautiful purpose in mind. But debt and ex boyfriends and failed tests and extra pounds and lactose intolerance and bad traffic and any slew of things can get in the way of our beautiful purpose if we let it. If. We. Let. It.

So don’t let it.

Be sunny.

Be pre-haunted sunny.

dreaming big

I have big dreams. Huge dreams. Seemingly unattainable dreams.

• I dream of building an orphanage in a third world country where my full time job would be to love, encourage, and inspire marginalized children to love themselves and follow their hearts.
• I dream of running a non-profit organization that would use the skills of impoverished women to help them create a life of sustenance for themselves and their families.
• I dream of traveling the world, photo-blogging my way into enough money to continue traveling the world.
• I dream of being an English professor at a small college where I could share my love of grammar with thousands of students who might continue the fight to keep the Oxford comma alive.
• I dream of creating a platform in which unheard teens can have a voice.
• I dream of working at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital to provide a loving environment where kids can smile and dance and sing and enjoy life.
• And I dream of one day being a stay-at-home mom who can home school her children and teach them about more than spelling and world wars, but about how to love themselves and be the best people they can be.

Simply allowing myself to write this list gives me anxiety. The varying emotions are intense – joy in knowing that doing any of these things will make a difference in the world and, most directly, in my own world; pain in knowing that these dreams are huge and hard to reach; angst in knowing that I will have to pick and choose which things matter to me the most; fear that I will never accomplish any of these things, or anything else worthwhile.

I allow myself to dream frequently, and I smile as I envision myself doing one thing after another from the list above. But I never talk about my dreams. Never. My goals, sure. But my dreams? Those are hush hush.

Talking about my dreams makes me feel like a loser for even thinking I could do something so cool. It makes me feel like a failure for not working harder to accomplish something that may or may not be feasible. And it makes me feel like a giant douche for not being satisfied with the amazing life I’m currently living.

But, talking about my dreams ignites my soul and drives me to unthinkable places. Making lists of my visions and my passions gives me fire to push ahead, against all odds, and seek to make a difference. And most fascinatingly, it inspires others to dream big and to live outside the status quo.

So dream big, and then do something about it.

What are your biggest dreams?

Four goals made. Four goals met.

My knees ache from my race on Saturday, but the soreness is just a reminder that I kinda sorta ran a 5k without stopping. Ya know, NBD.

Psh yeah right! VERY BIG DEAL.

Now let me just set the scene for you, so you can all experience this awesome race day with me:

8am – arrive at Tom Brown Park. My lovely phone informs me that it’s 47 degrees. Ugh #1. BRR!

8:50am – my lovely phone decides to fly into the toilet, forcing my germaphobic hand to reach in to retrieve it. Ugh #2.

9am – race starts and I discover that my phone isn’t playing my music due to the above incident. Ugh #3.

9:25ish – I feel blisters forming on my feet. Ugh #4.

9:38:17 – race complete!! YAY!

9:38:20 – throw up in front of, oh, maybe 200 people. Ugh #5.

That pretty much sums up my first race experience. SLIGHTLY less than ideal. But I did it, and that’s all that matters. This year has been amazing. And even though all of my 2012 goals have been met, I’m going to continue training and growing and learning and loving. Cuz that’s what life’s all about, right?

 

Next feat = 10k (training starts NEXT week… I do deserve a week off if I say so myself!)

my safe place

I can’t wait for November 7^th. Partially because the political mayhem will be over. Or starting, depending on your view, I guess. But my hypothesis is that social media forums will become slightly more tolerable on November 7^th. However, the main reason I’m anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 7^th is… ROAD TRIP!

In exactly three weeks, I’ll be on the road to North Carolina to see one of my best friends marry her sweetheart. I am SO excited. First of all, I’m thrilled that my friend has found her lobster, as Phoebe would say, and I’m excited to watch them come together and start the next chapter of their lives. I’m also really looking forward to spending some time with my family while I’m up there. It’s been way too long, and I now have a baby brother to shower with love.

Yet, one of the things that I’m most excited about, something that most people find dreadfully boring, is the actual driving part. My mother is not thrilled about me making this trek alone, but I’m thrilled. I need it for the sake of my own sanity. I love driving by myself. Just me, my thoughts, my tunes, and the open road. Nothing can beat it. I can’t wait to get an icee from a semi-questionable trucker’s stop. I am so looking forward to the infinite amount of greasy food options I will have for lunch. And nothing can top the infamous combination of beef jerky and peanut butter m&ms. I will make the most rockin’ playlist solely for this excursion, and I will listen to some of my favorite offensive podcasts. I will sing at an obnoxious volume and undoubtedly get annoyed when the wind from my open windows creates massive tangles in my hair. I will blare Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky and make funny faces at strangers just because I can.

My steering wheel is my snare drum. My windshield hears my deepest and darkest secrets. My rear view mirror catches all my sultry expressions on the embarrassingly not-so-rare occasion when I pretend to be filming my eighth music video.

My fears are voiced. My dreams are formulated. My inhibitions are put to rest.

My car is my safe place.

Where is your safe place?